


Parting Words Regret

by Exonoesis



Series: Assassin's Creed  - 31 Writing Prompts [1]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Short, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exonoesis/pseuds/Exonoesis
Summary: Shaun, Rebecca, and William drive out of the city to visit a secret location close to all of their hearts. [Contains spoilers for AC3]
Relationships: Shaun Hastings/Desmond Miles
Series: Assassin's Creed  - 31 Writing Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1966639
Kudos: 23





	Parting Words Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Only mild talk of Shaun X Desmond.

Each year since the incident, Shaun, Rebecca, and William made this trip; yet it never got any easier. Were it any other drive Shaun would have put on some classical music, listened to his colleagues complain how slow of a driver he was, and halfheartedly argue back to blame the traffic. Today, however, they had piled in silently; the whispers of the wind flowing in through the cracked windows the only sound to be heard.

The scenery was pleasant at the very least; harsh shadows of man-made towers giving way to the soft flicker of light dancing between rustling leaves. As they left civilization behind the tension only grew, each one of them painfully aware this was far from an enjoyable getaway. Their work habitually put the three of them in life-threatening danger, but nothing made them as apprehensive as their early March drive to the countryside. 

Their destination wasn’t on any map, there were no landmarks or indication that there was anything significant hidden among the dense vegetation; this was entirely intentional. Shaun knew the way by heart and coming to an inconspicuous spot he pulled the van to the side of the road; any passersby would think it broken down and abandoned. Shaun was the first to exit, as was becoming customary.

The outside temperature had begun to warm – the first day of Spring being just next week – but a jacket was still a necessity and Shaun pulled his tighter around himself. He did so not only to protect against the chill but also the underbrush he would be forced to wade through. Despite being able to park close by, a small walk was required to reach the actual location they had come all this way to visit. 

Bushes tugging menacingly at the man's clothing; he had just about had enough when he broke into a brightly lit clearing, stopping to take in what was always a breathtaking sight. The sound of trickling water filled the air, mingling with the scent of wildflowers; seemingly defying the seasons by being near to full bloom. The pale green grass was spotted red with trilium, more commonly known as wake robin.

The crimson blossoms spattered across the ground like blood and the flowers’ distinct three petals formed an arched ‘A’ shape that brought to mind the symbol of their Creed; the one they had sworn to uphold. This was the perfect place for… He forced his thoughts to stop, commanded his eyes to avoid a certain part of the glade. Shaun always rushed ahead like this when they came, yet he was never truly ready.

For a long moment Shaun breathed in the crisp air, noting that the other two weren’t following him. They had a better understanding of their emotions, took their time with this rather than jumping in as he did. As if entering a frigid swimming pool Shaun thought it best to just get it over with and shuffled forward, finally allowing himself to take in the tree that dominated the piece of land and the memorial that rest beneath.

He came to a stop just a foot from the stonework. There was no body here to worry about trodding on, it had yet to be recovered and at this point Shaun wondered if it ever would be – but those thoughts were best saved for another time. Kneeling down he began to pull off the ivy that had wound its way around the carved eagle wings. Shaun was always surprised at how fast it grew, the one downside to the otherwise haven of a place. 

He supposed the overgrowth served as a reminder to return every year, lest the gravestone be claimed by the forest. Shaun grimaced at the thought. In brushing off a bit of dust the black marble was back to its full glory, the golden words “A Hero” shining where a name should be, yet all of them knew exactly whom this place was a tribute to. With a smile and barely contained tears Shaun managed to choke out, “Happy Birthday, Desmond.”

~~~

Additional words failed him for a long while, simply staring at the memorial which they kept Desmond’s name from for safety reasons, though the title was truly fitting; he’d lived and died a hero. “I’ve missed you, Becs and your father too. They’ll be here soon, you know how they are…” Shaun stayed seated on the ground, head unconsciously bowed though he took note of it now and straightened up a bit. 

“It’s been a really busy past year, and not just for our little group either. All over the world we’re so busy trying to protect everything you gave your life for. We’re trying so hard – I’m trying so hard for you…” Shaun stopped trying to fight the tears, despite his voice shaking he continued, “I’ve been thinking so much lately, about when you were still here. I’m not sure why now but… I think I finally understand some things.”

Shaun dared a glance back, confirming he was alone in the glade before continuing; it had suddenly felt as if he wasn’t. “Desmond… I’ve done a lot of soul-searching lately and… How do I even say this…?” Shaun clasped his hand together in his lap, his body tensing for a moment before relaxing into his thoughts, “I truly cared for you. Perhaps it was the situation with doomsday approaching and all that blinded me to it but…”

_“I was falling in love with you…”_

“Our witty banter, your bravery, and compassion… I was jealous you know; all this fuss about you being the chosen one or some rubbish.” He let out a deep sigh that caused his shoulders to slump, “Honestly, if we had met another time we could have been something more, you know? I believe that anyway. I’ll never be the man you were; but more importantly, I’ll never find another man like you.”

Shaun allowed his words to linger, having said them aloud for the first time. He couldn’t pinpoint when he’d won the wrestling match with his emotions but it all seemed so obvious now; the glances they exchanged, the breakthroughs and discoveries they shared with one another before anyone else. Shaun had known he was trying to impress the other man, but not the drive behind it.

“I don’t even remember the last thing I said to you, absolutely pathetic that. There you are getting ready to sacrifice yourself to save all of humanity, telling us to run away to safety, and not so much as a goodbye from me.” Angry bile was rising in Shaun’s chest, these weren’t the emotions he’d intended to vent today but there was no stopping whatever chose to surface now.

“What do you even say to that?! ‘Thanks a bunch there buddy, hope the afterlife treats you well!’ Bloody hell… If I had taken just a moment of self-reflection, maybe… No, I wouldn’t have told you how I felt back then, even if I’d known myself. Would have just been another burden on you, made it harder to make the choice you did. Perhaps I’m even fooling myself now into thinking you would have cared at all about me...” 

Reaching out to touch the stone his fingers lightly traced the engraved words; anger, guilt, abandonment, self-loathing, all twisting into a lump in Shaun’s chest. “Maybe in another life we’ll have a chance to try this all again; minus the messy apocalypse business. We can settle all the what-if’s next time, alright?” Rustling drew Shaun’s attention, someone else was coming into the clearing. 

Rising to his feet as if he’d just finished cleaning the stone and nothing more, Shaun turned to take in William’s appearance. He looked to have aged twenty years since Desmond’s passing and no one blamed him or dared comment on it. Unlike Shaun, who lingered far too long taking in the scenery, William walked up to the grave as if nothing else existed here; to him perhaps it didn’t.

The two men exchanging a glance Shaun quickly averted his gaze, he normally had no trouble looking William in the eyes but that was when they were focused and driven by fiery motivation; as their leaders gaze should be. Today he wasn’t looking into the eyes of the Mentor of the Assassin Order, these were the eyes of a mourning father; one who had nearly lost the will to fight for everything he believed in.

Despite the stoic facade William wore; even now, Shaun remembered how the man had relinquished his title, vanished without a word, and silenced all forms of communication. He may have returned, he may have taken up his mantle once more, but the few tears that slid down the man's cheeks spoke the truth; these were wounds that would never heal.

Shaun felt as though he was intruding now; his time here passed and his presence unwelcome. The other man deserved time alone to grieve more than anyone else. Wordlessly Shaun took his leave back through the brush, knowing that William was only remaining composed as to not look weak in front of his subordinate. Among the rustling of the malicious shrubbery Shaun thought he could hear just a few strangled sobs.

~~~

Breaking through to the roadside once more Shaun felt as if he’d stepped back into reality, thoughts returning to him that he’d all but forgotten. As he climbed into the vans driver seat he focused on the best way to turn around when it was time to drive back to the city, if they’d have to stop for gas on the way or if they’d make it back with what they had, even the work that was waiting for him on his desk. Shaun thought of anything and everything that would pull his thoughts from Desmond.

Rebecca still sat in the back of the van, always the last to bring herself to visit; at least once she hadn’t been able to face the grave at all. Catching her reflection in the rearview mirror Shaun saw her face soaking wet, heard the soft sniffling she was trying to hide; but like with William, he remained silent and let her mourn as she needed to. Keeping his eyes forward, gazing down the winding road ahead, Shaun pretended not to notice anything was amiss.

As much as he tried to pull his thoughts from their fallen comrade, Shaun found himself entertaining them anyway; a final wish to whomever may have been listening. _“I’ll do my best to hold everyone together, but I can never take Desmond’s place… I… We had no idea how much he meant to us – and no one can ever take his place in all of our hearts. It may be selfish to ask this, but please – give me strength – give us all the strength to continue on in the world he left us; the world he gave everything for. I want to see his vision for this planet. I want to make it a reality.”_


End file.
